Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
