There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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