Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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