i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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