Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
