even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
