i love accidental penises.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
