I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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