The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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