I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
More tranny stories later!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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