and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
