im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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