jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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