Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
