I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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