Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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