Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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