I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
