Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
