so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
