my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
