Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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