Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
