That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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