Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
