my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
