I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's like iHOP with fire
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
