he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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