i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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