Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize