I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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