even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Houston, we have a blender
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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