my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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