we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
