She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize