I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
