Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Found the puke drawer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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