My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize