I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
