my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
