So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
