I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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