Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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