dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
