Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
