How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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