is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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