Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
