do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize