a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
