I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
