Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
