i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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