I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
