there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
