you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
