All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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