So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
