Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
