so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
