what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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