Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
