I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's shark week go big or go home
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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