8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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