she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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