We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
