I will die if light touches me.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
