someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
