i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
