hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
