Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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