He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
