whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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