i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
