Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
