All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
