Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
